The past two years of sixth form have gone incredibly quickly. On the day that I am writing this, it has been exactly two years since my Year 11 prom. Two years?! I remember that day as clear as anything, and in the blink of an eye, I am now preparing to say goodbye to my school for the last time. I wasn’t sure what to post this week for my blog, but I figured that now my exams have finished, this was an appropriate and apt way to get some of my feelings out regarding the end of school.
Finishing Year 11 two years ago was an overwhelming moment, mainly due to the amount of work I had put in, and realising how great it had been to spend the last five years with some amazing people. It was also emotional saying goodbye to some of my closest friends who I had spent nearly every day with for the past 12 years in education, which is crazy considering most of them live in the vicinity of a 5-10 minute walk away. Thankfully, I have kept in close contact with practically everybody I was incredibly close to, and the times in which we do meet up are somewhat more precious and heart-warming.
It’s for this reason that I’m not too worried about missing friends in sixth form. Of course, I am still emotional at the thought of not being around people everyday, but I am confident that I will firmly keep in touch with those who matter. In addition, sixth form is just a very different experience to high school. Whilst high school is full of laughs, everybody at sixth form tends to be a little bit deflated all the time due to the sheer amount of work and the overwhelming tiredness it causes. That’s not to say that it hasn’t been great fun at times, and I have certainly made some significant memories at sixth form, but the workload definitely outweighs everything else, and the moments of laughter become more rare and more valuable.
On that basis, I think what I am going to miss most about school is the familiarity of a steady routine. Nearly everyday for the past 14 years, I have gone into school and had lessons, a break, a lunchtime. For the past 5 or 6 years I have sat in the same two classrooms at lunchtime with the same teachers having the same laughs. I have been involved in productions, performed in assemblies, and helped at numerous evenings year after year. It’s become so familiar, so much like a home to me. And now it is suddenly gone.
Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely excited to go to university in September. I have already made some really good friends who will be going to the same university through the power of the internet, and I cannot wait to establish a new, albeit more spontaneous, routine with these new people in a new environment. In addition, the last few months of sixth form have been so incredibly draining that I am so thankful to have a break from any sort of mentally exhausting work. But I am also terrified. Like I said before, I know that I will keep in close contact with those who mean a lot to me, but I am so scared to let go of all of the familiarity and safeness that those buildings at school hold to me. Not preparing to go back to the same place after 7 years of walking through those doors is going to be one strange experience.
But then again, it’s probably not good to be so attached. I am a very obsessive person – when I find things that I feel comfort and normality in, it is very hard for me to come to terms with leaving something behind, whether that’s changing my @ on twitter, to leaving a school I have known for 7 years. I try to avoid doing anything which might cause me to have that solid pit of sadness in my stomach as I let go of a part of my life.
But I have to accept that it’s simply a part of life. I cannot change that fact that I am about to leave school. Whether I like it or not, I am going to attend and perform in my last ever assembly. I am going to walk in and out of school for the last time as a student on results day in August, and I’m going to see some people in my year for probably the last ever time. So, whilst I am utterly terrified of the future and what’s to come, I know deep down that moving on is good, and necessary, and inevitable.
It may have been incredibly stressful at times, but that’s the inevitability of school, and I am so glad that I have spent my time surrounded by such wonderful people. I may be physically saying goodbye to my school, but I know that I will not be saying goodbye to the friends and the memories I have made anytime soon. They are far too treasured in my heart for that. But it’s time for a change.